Preparing for a Military Yellow Ribbon Event

This weekend I went to a Military Yellow Ribbon event. Giving legal counsel to men and women who serve our country could quite possibly be one of the most enjoyable things I have ever done.  Think about when you have gone on vacation and you pay some of your bills ahead of time so you don't have to worry about them while you're having fun in the sun. Now imagine you leave for a tour of duty but you don't know if and when you will return home. Can you pay your bills ahead of time not knowing when you're returning back home? Probably not. Therefore, there tends to be some legal issues back home while you are off fighting for your country (e.g. foreclosure, child-support, or alimony).

Thus, at the event, my colleagues and I tried to provide as much information as we could. However, their is so much that these brave individuals are facing you wonder if they are retaining what we and the other vendors are providing. One can see how some veterans could fall thru the cracks without an advocate at home to keep track of all the benefit programs and make calls on their behalf. I would advise bringing a family member or a close friend to one of these Military Yellow Ribbon events who could serve as your advocate.  When you are their I would advise getting as many business cards as you can even if you think it may not pertain to your situation right now. Things may change when you are gone and you may need the resources and at least you will have the information to make the right phone call.

Then, make sure to make a note next to each contact to remind yourself who that person is.  Make sure the note is something you will remember pertaining to what ever he or she is providing. With these simple steps I hope the Military Yellow Ribbon event will be less stressful and a more beneficial event. Thank you for your service.

Christmas Does Not Always Bring Holiday Cheer

Christmas brings with it holiday cheer for some but not all.  The Christmas season can be very stressful with all the planning, decorating, etc.  Christmas is particularly stressful for those who are in divorced families for different reasons.  This post will attempt to provide some guidance.  First, there should be a written plan in place which spells out where the child is to go during the Christmas holiday. If there are older children involved, they should be included in the discussion. This discussion may not be possible for a particularly contentious divorce.

Second, parents need to set aside settling old scores and remember that the holiday season is about the children.  And lastly, the non-custodial parent should coordinate concerning the child's Christmas list with the custodial parent.

Concerning visitation, each parent must go into the holiday season with an open mind. They must realize that they are not going to spend as much time with the child during the holidays; mostly because there are grandparents, aunts, and uncles that want to see the child.  If a holiday falls on their assigned visitation day, they should not monopolize the child's holiday.  To avoid confusion for the child and the chaos of going back and forth on one day, perhaps the parents can arrange an alternate holiday schedule. For example, one year a child would spend the entire Thanksgiving with one parent and the next year would switch to the other parent. This avoids the child being shuffled from place to place. Remember when you were married and how difficult it was coordinately holidays with your in-laws; now your child is in that position.

The important thing to remember is that Christmas is about the children. This means do what ever you can to get along with your former spouse, remembering all the positive times you shared as a family.  This can be done by celebrating old traditions and creating new ones. If it is an amicable divorce, perhaps you could arrange a mutual place to have dinner. This creates a sense of normalcy for the child who is experiencing a different Christmas. Above all, make the Christmas season a positive experience for the child.

And last but not least, coordinate regarding gift giving. This is important for two reasons, first because coordination will eliminate duplicate gift giving and second the non-custodial parent tends to over-buy for the child.  The non-custodial parent because of feelings of guilt of not being able to be there for the child during Christmas, will tend to over-buy for the child. This over-purchasing will spoil the child and lead to resentment because the child will come to expect pricer gifts from the non-custodial parent. The most important thing is to not turn the Christmas season into a gift giving competition.

I hope this article provides some guidance thru an extremely painful and difficult holiday season for families that are divorced. With clear communication and a defined plan, the holidays can be far more joyous and less stressful.